The two most powerful warriors are patience and time- Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy
That quote pretty much sums up how things are going for me. Patience is a friend of mine and during most issues and problems that have arose during life, patience is key. And you can’t have patience without time. Sometimes to a fault, I give every situation patience and time. I try not to base judgments or concerns on knee-jerk reactions, giving it the proper time to see if it will work itself out in the long run. In most instances, things smooth themselves out with little reaction, ending peacefully and content. Now that doesn’t go to say that changes (sometimes huge) are not made during the course, but if you give it ample opportunity, the correct decision presents itself and trial and error are no longer required. Too many people today want results instantaneously, with no recourse or remorse. Those are the people who lose $1 billion in a transaction gone awry. Who bet against the house, go all in, and lose it all. Some might argue high risk, high reward. And for some people, that may be what suits their fancy. But most times, more than often in life, they live a crash-n-burn moment that could possibly scar them for life. Decisions that don’t have to be made so hastily, but are made with instantaneous, unthought out processes that affect not only the person involved, but many innocent bystanders in life. Time and patience could have changed the outcome and the ripple effects that soon follow.
To be able to have this patience while dealing with my condition, it takes a great deal of coming to grips with what life has put in front of you. People have said that this is cruel and unfair. That they don’t understand how Joe Schmo down the road can drink and smoke two packs of cigarettes a day for 20 years and not have had to deal with the effects of cancer. Yet someone like me, who has never smoked, drinks socially maybe 4 times a year, and tries to lead a pretty straight-laced life, has been placed upon his doorstep Stage IV Follicular Lymphoma. Why you, they ask? You are one of the nicest, caring, devoted people we know. You don’t deserve this. This is not right, why are you being punished? Want to know what I say about that?
Why not?
Granted, no one should have to feel the effects of this disease. It is an ordeal that no person or family should have to encounter in their lives. In a nutshell, cancer friggin sucks!! But I look at is if, maybe I am the perfect person for this to happen to. I’m young, other than weight, my body is in good health, no addictions to anything. I have a tremendous support system, a great understanding boss and job, my family is living comfortably. I have kick ass insurance that is paying 90 percent of the treatment. I have the drive, determination, focus, poise, and im downright a bad mother.. shut yo mouth! Everything in life, down to the crossing of t’s and the dotting of i’s, is a part of God’s plan. I accept the challenge that God has presented me with grace and determination. I’m literally not taking this lying down, fighting ever step of the way. And so far, I am a poster child of what a good session of chemotherapy should be for an individual. It is day 30 and I haven’t tossed my cookies once, lost my hair, and other than a handful of days, been at work and living quite a normal life. I’m quite shocked and still braced for impact just in case it takes a turn for the worse, but I can honestly say I feel 80-90 percent normal. My body’s recovery time has been remarkable and if I do have a bad day, I sleep it off, get up the next day with a renewed vigor to conquer the day and make up for lost time. Now, as I type this, I am knocking on some major wood, because i know things can change in an instance and you must have a game plan in place when things don’t go as expected. But I feel that one of the big reasons why I am handling this with such awesomeness, is that I have accepted it, embraced my circumstances. And acceptance is the answer to all life’s problems. I have an employee that is battling a different, but otherwise consuming disease that showed me some passages from a book he holds dear to his heart…
“.. acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life—unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitude.
Shakespeare said, “All the world’s a stage, all the men and women merely players.” He forgot to mention that I was the chief critic. I was always able to see the flaw in every person, every situation. And I was always glad to point it out, because I knew you wanted perfection, just as I did. A.A. and acceptance have taught me that there is a bit of good in the worst of us and a bit of bad in the best of us; that we are all children of God and we each have a right to be here. When I complain about me or about you, I am complaining about God’s handiwork, I am saying that I know better than God.”- Alcoholics Anonymous
Another passage that struck me..
“When I stopped living in the problem and began living in the answer, the problem went away.”
Makes ya think, doesn’t it? When you stop absorbing yourself in the problem and began structuring your path and embracing the solution, the problems can dissipate into thin air. Truly makes you feel that mind can truly overpower matter. Something to let you ponder over. Let it marinate.
So as I patiently wait for my treatments to continue, I know that the two mightiest warriors in my arsenal for battle are time and patience. I got all day and I won’t give up!
The Lymphoma Diaries 